来看看老外们的尴尬瞬间吧：）

Today, I got my first kiss. I’m 56. FML
今天，我终于得到了我的初吻，我今年56岁。

Today, I woke up to find that my dog was missing. I spent about an hour searching for him when my psycho ex-girlfriend texted me his photo. She’d kidnapped him. After driving over there, she shot paintballs at my car. Now I have no dog and a colorful car. FML
今天，我醒来以后发现我的狗丢了。我花了将近一个小时去找它，直到我那脑子有点问题的前女友发了张它的照片给我。她把它绑架了。开车到那里以后，她用油漆弹朝我的车开qiang。现在我不仅没狗，还多了辆五彩斑斓的车。FML

Today, I was working at a shoe store and was helping a dude try on shoes. He looked like trouble and I wanted to finish with him. When he finally picked his shoes, he abruptly stood up and ran out of the store with the shoes on.
The cost of them was deducted from my salary.$240
今天我在鞋店工作，发现一个老兄在试鞋子。看他好像遇到点问题，我就过去帮他。结果他穿好鞋子后，拔腿狂奔。这鞋子值240刀，得从我工资里扣。

Today, I got my first facebook friend request in 4 months. I also gota message in my inbox.
The message said: “Sorry, I thought you were someone else. Just ignore my friend request.” FML
今天我在facebook上收到4个月以来首个要求加为好友的请求。我还收到一个消息：对不起，我还以为你是那个谁呢，请忽略我的加为好友的请求。

Today, I was at a party with my girlfriend and this older guy came inand started talking to me about his rock climbing lessons earlier that week. I told him “I’m really drunk, so I really couldn’t give a shit about what you did.” It was my girlfriend’s father picking her up to go home. FML
今天，女友的party上有个老男人走过来就开始侃他这周的攀岩课程。我说：老子喝多了，表在我面前喷你的鸟事。结果是女友老爸，他是来接她回家滴。。

Today, my 16 yr old cousin needed help making a job resume so I give him mine to see as an example.
He changed my name to his and it got him a Job right away.
The sad part? I handed my resume out to about 30 places and I am still unemployed. FML
今天，我16岁的堂兄让我帮忙写个简历。我就把我的给他当个例子。他就改了个名字就发出去了，还立马搞了个工作。可悲的是，我的简历发了30个不同地方，目前还是失业青年。

Today, my girlfriend’s friend told her she had seen me shopping with a cute girl. When I came back home my girlfriend punched me in the face and asked who the girl was. Apparently her friend didn’t tell her the cute girl was my three years old niece. I lost a tooth because of that punch. FML
今天，我女朋友的朋友跟她说她看见我和一个很可爱的女孩买东西。我到家了以后我的女友就给了我一拳，问我那女孩是谁。很显然，她的朋友没告诉她那“可爱的女孩”是我三岁的小侄女。因为那拳我少了颗牙。FML

Today, my boyfriend was in the shower, and I decided to go join him. I took all my clothes off and stepped into the bathroom. I slipped on some water, and ended up hitting my head on the toilet and passing out. When I came to, I saw my boyfriend’s dad looking over me in his towel. Wrong person. FML
今天，我的男友在淋浴，于是我决定和他一起洗。我脱光了衣服走进了浴室。我踩在水里滑了一跤，脑袋砸到马桶上晕了过去。我醒过来的时候，看到了我男朋友他爸爸包着浴巾看着我。我搞错人了。FML

Today, I was petsitting for my neighbor’s new puppy. A huge thunderstorm came, and the puppy started whining and shivering violently. I pulled it into my lap to try and comfort it. One loud clap of thunder later, and the puppy had explosive diarrhea all over me. FML
今天，我在帮我的邻居照看他家的新小狗。那天来了个特别大的雷暴，那小狗被吓得直叫，身体抖得厉害。我把它放到我的膝盖上试着安抚它。在一声巨大的响雷之后，那狗在我身上来了次爆炸性的腹泻，拉了我一身。FML

Today, I went to meet my girlfriends parents for the first time. I accidently drove past their house the first time, but saw the whole family outside waiting to meet me. I pulled a U-Turn and heard a thud. The whole family watched me run over their dog. FML
今天，我第一次去看我女朋友的父母。我第一次不小心开过头了，但是看到了他们全家在外面等我。我调了个头，然后就听到了砰的一声。他们全家的人看着我压扁了他们的狗。FML

Today, my tampon string was hanging from my bathing suit. My boyfriend thought it was a thread hanging from my bikini bottom. He publicly pulled out my tampon. FML
今天，我卫生棉在我的泳装旁边露出了一点点。我男友以为那是我比基尼多余的线头。于是乎他在大庭广众之下把我的卫生棉拉了出来。FML

Today, I was holding my baby daughter during a checkup. To reassure her, I was kissing the back of her head while the Dr. was checking her hearing. After a few minutes, I realized the Dr. had put his hand to steady her head. I was kissing his hand. FML
今天，我带宝贝女儿去医生那里做检查。为了安抚她，当大夫给她检查听力的时候我一边吻着她的后脑勺。几分钟后，我意识到大夫是用手扶着女儿的头来固定的。我一直吻着大夫的手。FML

Today, there was a 10-minute cloudburst. It started 30 seconds after I parked my car and ended 30 seconds after I arrived at the office. Now the sun is shining, the sky is blue, and I look like I took a shower fully clothed. Oh, and I’m wearing thin white pants. FML
今天，有个十分钟的大暴雨。暴雨在我停好车的30秒后开始，在我到公司后30秒后结束。现在阳光灿烂，蓝天白云，而我看起来像穿着衣服洗了个澡。而且我还穿着紧身白裤子。FML